My house from 7am to 12pm and then from 2pm to 7pm looks as if a tiny war of toys erupted in my house. Plastic balls scattered through the living room to kitchen, toy shopping carts parked in odd places, stuffed dolls laid out as fallen comrades, and tiny do-dads of miniature animals and blocks are like land mines if stepped on. Of course there are also books pulled from their home on the shelf, beaten pages, bent ends, and tears. Not to mention the cheerios, puffs, pieces of munched on food that was delicious on the first bite but not worth it's flavor in the end, abandoned on my floors. The leaking sippy cups of milk and juice leave their print on my not so new carpet anymore. Then lastly the left behind diapers I had yet to throw away for the day act for a stink bomb if dared to be open again.
A never ending job, of picking up, wiping up, scrubbing down, putting away and throwing out. Through the day I walk through my house like it's an obstacle course. It can be quite a bit of work to keep up with it. But as I look around at my living room, messy or clean, I see the things my daughters have touched, mouthed, squealed at, laughed at, cried at, sat in, and kissed. I see that I am a mother and I am reminded that this is real. I have two little girls.
I am no super mom when it comes to cleaning my house. I do my best to what I feel is best. If my floors aren't glossed over with cleaning chemicals, or if it's not smelling fresh with the scent of lavender, or if it's not an easy house to walk through without stepping or tripping over something, I don't let it bother me.
My messy house reminds me of my sweet children, that play and love on their toys. I am reminded of the joy in their faces and the blessing I have that I can give these things to them. I am reminded that maybe I'm not the cleanest mom or most hippie mom, but I am a mom of two happy girls.
The delight in their faces for whatever reason is like another gleam of light hitting upon my day.
So if you come over and see food opened and tossed about on my table, the sink full of cups, bowls, spoons and highchair trays, or if it looks like a clown threw up in my living room full of toys, you would understand, it's cause I love my girls.
Live on messy house! And let live.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
16 months to eternity
Yesterday we went to Marbles Museum for the second time and got a membership. That place is wonderful and the girls are so happy. I love that it wears the girls out so that when we get home they nap great but it also wears us out and I think I napped the whole time they did.
While at Marbles I took a photo of the girls sitting in a little red car.
I see two 16 month old girls playing in a make believe car, but I also see two 16 year old's preparing for a trip to the mall.
I know time flies and it drives me nuts when people constantly remind me "Enjoy it while it lasts." or "Don't blink."
I know I know, and it is- I don't like to be reminded as I remind myself often enough.
My sweet babies are so big and when I hold them I recall how they once were 15 pounds lighter and curled into perfect balls upon my chest. I know I can't hold them like I do now forever, and there will come a day that I will see them drive off together....
But they will be together.
The way they play with each other, follow each other, chase, laugh at each other, copy and shadow. I feel this guarantee of a unique relationship that will go beyond toddlers, tween, and 16.
I feel this reassurance that when they hit the road of life and I'm not right behind to watch their every move that they have each other and they have each others backs.
I feel comfort.
I have been asked to help do the 'Parent Talk' during FUSION a few times.
Fusion is a time where all the kids from all three hours of church come together on a weeknight with their parents and celebrate together in worship, dancing, skits, games, teaching and family time.
It's a wonderful thing just to be apart of it. But to be asked to help do a part where I speak to the parents about parenting.... that's humbling.
These parents have kids from the ages of 4 to 11 yrs and probably have older children and more children than me. They have much more experience than I do. I am trying to influence parents to participate in their children's spiritual growth for an age group I do not have myself.
It has taught me a lot. It makes me ask myself questions, to look deeper and think harder.
After all if there is one thing I can teach Lilly and Rose - it's God. To show them and reveal God to them. His love His hope His spirit.
There is nothing I can keep in this world.
There is nothing that I can leave to this world that will last, that will not eventual grow old or fade away.
All I have is the legacy of God that I can leave. The only thing that will last. To my girls I want them to know the One thing that will last, the One thing they can turn to. The One thing that will never grow old or fade away.
I can look back in my life, my history and see God everywhere.
Not just a one time event. Not a one time deal.
If I can help my girls build a relationship with Jesus. Then I am leaving them in the Hands that has and still holds the weight of the world (& mine) without strain. Without fail.
Eternity doesn't seem possible but the idea that there is no eternity seems less possible.
The idea of nothing after we die, the thought that my mind, my being becomes nothing is impossible for my mind to wrap around. None existent- seems less believable than living everyday for the rest of days, even in another world like Heaven.
Eternity is real.
God is real.
I want my girls to have that, to know that. To live a life in reverence to that.
I can talk up and down about it to them, but I honestly think it wont mean a thing if I am not living my life the same way I hope and dream they will.
I really want to reach a higher goal each day than the last of growing my relationship with God. Each day a better building I am building on the Rock.
I just keep praying I can be better, to reach farther and walk greater distances- so I can lead my girls to those distances.
I say I want these things but I know I don't show it.
I am working to fan a flame. My own to help start two new flames.
So someday when my two 16 year old girls go for a trip to the mall, I wont have just the comfort of knowing they have each others back. I know something Greater and Bigger, Lovelier, Stronger, Mightier, and Perfect has their back as well.
This life wont last. Not here anyway. It can be the scariest thought in this world, or most reassuring.
I see two 16 month old girls playing in a make believe car, but I also see two 16 year old's preparing for a trip to the mall.
I know time flies and it drives me nuts when people constantly remind me "Enjoy it while it lasts." or "Don't blink."
I know I know, and it is- I don't like to be reminded as I remind myself often enough.
My sweet babies are so big and when I hold them I recall how they once were 15 pounds lighter and curled into perfect balls upon my chest. I know I can't hold them like I do now forever, and there will come a day that I will see them drive off together....
But they will be together.
The way they play with each other, follow each other, chase, laugh at each other, copy and shadow. I feel this guarantee of a unique relationship that will go beyond toddlers, tween, and 16.
I feel this reassurance that when they hit the road of life and I'm not right behind to watch their every move that they have each other and they have each others backs.
I feel comfort.
I have been asked to help do the 'Parent Talk' during FUSION a few times.
Fusion is a time where all the kids from all three hours of church come together on a weeknight with their parents and celebrate together in worship, dancing, skits, games, teaching and family time.
It's a wonderful thing just to be apart of it. But to be asked to help do a part where I speak to the parents about parenting.... that's humbling.
These parents have kids from the ages of 4 to 11 yrs and probably have older children and more children than me. They have much more experience than I do. I am trying to influence parents to participate in their children's spiritual growth for an age group I do not have myself.
It has taught me a lot. It makes me ask myself questions, to look deeper and think harder.
After all if there is one thing I can teach Lilly and Rose - it's God. To show them and reveal God to them. His love His hope His spirit.
There is nothing I can keep in this world.
There is nothing that I can leave to this world that will last, that will not eventual grow old or fade away.
All I have is the legacy of God that I can leave. The only thing that will last. To my girls I want them to know the One thing that will last, the One thing they can turn to. The One thing that will never grow old or fade away.
I can look back in my life, my history and see God everywhere.
Not just a one time event. Not a one time deal.
If I can help my girls build a relationship with Jesus. Then I am leaving them in the Hands that has and still holds the weight of the world (& mine) without strain. Without fail.
Eternity doesn't seem possible but the idea that there is no eternity seems less possible.
The idea of nothing after we die, the thought that my mind, my being becomes nothing is impossible for my mind to wrap around. None existent- seems less believable than living everyday for the rest of days, even in another world like Heaven.
Eternity is real.
God is real.
I want my girls to have that, to know that. To live a life in reverence to that.
I can talk up and down about it to them, but I honestly think it wont mean a thing if I am not living my life the same way I hope and dream they will.
I really want to reach a higher goal each day than the last of growing my relationship with God. Each day a better building I am building on the Rock.
I just keep praying I can be better, to reach farther and walk greater distances- so I can lead my girls to those distances.
I say I want these things but I know I don't show it.
I am working to fan a flame. My own to help start two new flames.
So someday when my two 16 year old girls go for a trip to the mall, I wont have just the comfort of knowing they have each others back. I know something Greater and Bigger, Lovelier, Stronger, Mightier, and Perfect has their back as well.
This life wont last. Not here anyway. It can be the scariest thought in this world, or most reassuring.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Rainbow Party
Sooooo. I decided to randomly blog the girls birthday party 3 months after.
I really wanted to have something special but inexpensive. In order to do inexpensive then you got to be willing to do extra work and make most everything. In which I did.
I tried to make a rainbow party with the feeling of being up in the sky with the rainbow. I did clouds, birds 'floating' in the air and a rainbow :)
First off are the cake pops. Super easy recipe but a little tedious.
-Cake Mix-
-Ingredients for the Cake Mix-
-Cream Cheese-
-Crisco Oil-
-Candy Melts-
-Candy Sticks-
-Sprinkles-
I used the rainbow sprinkle Pillsbury cake mix thinking it would make it rainbow inside- it does not. But still good!
Bake the cake as directed or be lazy and cheat like me and microwave it in a microwave safe dish. 8x8 greased for 10-15 minutes.
Crumble the cake and add one package of cream cheese per cake mix and mix thoroughly together.
Roll into balls
Put a touch of melted candy to the end of a candy stick and place it half way into each rolled cake ball
Freeze for 20 minutes
Melt candy melts in a double broiler and add some Crisco oil to thin it out
I bought pre-colored candy and mixed some colors to make secondary colors
Dip each cake ball and tap off access candy by taping a knife on the stick.
Added sprinkles before it hardened.
Keep cool and ooooooh sooooooo yummy.
Here is us with the girls in front of their Happy Birthday Sign. This was much easier than I thought it would be to make.
-Scrap Book Paper-
-Letter Pop Outs-
-Rotary Cutter-
-Glue Stick-
-Hole Puncher-
-Ribbon-
I bought a large book of Scrap Paper. It was the cheapest and easiest to me as the book all matched in color scheme and similar patterns.
I measured out the sizes for the solid colors and patterns. I wanted the solid on top so it wasn't too busy and I could actually see the letters. I matched the solid and pattern papers to match and in order of a rainbow.
I cut my circles with the rotary cutter and glued them together.
I bought the letter punch outs at Micheal's and glued those on.
Hole punched the tops and strung ribbon I happened to have.
I really like how it turned out and I can use it every year!!
I love this picture! I feel like I can see all the work I've done in one!
I bought tulle with my sister in law at Hobby Lobby and hung it with just tape.
I bought white poster board paper and drew clouds with faces on them and cut them out. Hole punched them and strung them with string and tape from the ceiling.
The cranes.... ugh the cranes. I LOVED them but it was lots of work, I started on those months before the party. Every night after the girls went to bed I pulled out the origami paper I bought at Micheal's and folded and folded till I got tired. By the time the party came I had a tone of cranes! I used tape and string to hang them from the ceiling.
I made smash cakes for the girls. Heart pan, cake mix, icing... that's it. They did not smash them. They were uncomfortable with everyone watching them and nervous. So they cried instead hahah
Rainbow Cupcakes!
OOOOOH they always turn out perfect and so pretty!
-White Cake Mix-
-Ingredients for the Cake Mix-
-Food Coloring-
- Six Zip Lock Bags-
-Cupcake Liners-
-Icing-
Mix the cake mix and ingredients
Divide the batter up between the 6 bags.
Drop in a few drops of food coloring in each bag, red, orange, yellow... etc.
I like neon food coloring it's much brighter and kind of pastel.
Zip the bags and then knead the bags till they completely mixed with the color.
Line the cupcake liners in the cupcake pan
Snip a small hole at the bottom corner of the red color cake mix bag
Squeeze a little mix into the bottom of each liner.
Then do the orange
Then Yellow and so on
I had to use a knife to kind of swirl over and make sure each layer completely covered the last. Either way the top doesn't have to be completely purple cause the icing will cover it.
I do red as the color at the bottom because the purple is so dark it blends into the browned baked part at the bottom of the cupcake. I wanted it to stand out so red first does the trick!
The girls tutu's! My sister Brenda made, I have no idea how.... You'll have to ask her.
The shirts I bought at Hobby Lobby. I had some scrap material. I just sewed it up to look like flowers and I sewed everything onto the shirts, including a number 1. It was super easy and simple!
These are the party favors I forgot to hand out to half the kids LOL
-Zip Lock Snack Size Bags-
-Fruit Loops-
-Stapler-
-Design-
The simplest and cheapest party favor. The idea came from my sister. This really doesn't need to be explained... it's all right there!
The only thing I did was draw the cloud and rainbow on my computer with my tablet. I used snapfish.com to print the picture and cut it out then stapled it.
Just a few pictures of the party stuff
& here are my baby girls! SO beautiful!!!
Amanda Ivey took their photo's.
I attempted to do the 'O N E' idea but trying to get two girls happy in one photo is tough. But at least we got a small N.
Love these angels!
1 year down! a lifetime to go.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
A Better Mother Than You
It has been a year since my baby girls were born and a year since I have been considered a mom.
Still I don't feel like I am.
I did have one occasion when Daniel and I went out of town to celebrate our anniversary, I stood up and cheerios fell out my shirt. That was a moment that I felt like a mother.
Truly the first few weeks of my girls lives were the hardest I had ever endured.
Being a mother is giving up basic life.
Slowly though things fall into place and a rhythm is established and there is a sense of normal again. I can shower, clean, eat as well as other several things I didn't have time for when they first came.
I feel like a proud hen puffed up in triumph when I am out and about with my girls. They truly are my pride and joy.
My love for them grows daily even when it seems impossible. But that's what love is I suppose. A growing flourishing life in itself. It constantly is in growth.
Being a mother has placed me in what I thought was a special league and though it certainly is a special league of amazing women I also see it's a place of uncertainty.
A place of comparisons. Which I guess is just a woman thing anyway- a girl thing.
Why do women do this to themselves? I'm sure a lot of it is just the society we live in, everywhere we go, every magazine we read and every television show has a picture of what is considered beautiful even tho all and I do mean ALL these women are altered in someway, either through botox, surgery, makeup, editing and alterations through photoshop. The picture we are given is false yet it's the standard. & men see this too and are constantly thinking that is the norm for beauty.
There are very beautiful natural women out there.
But beauty has pieces that make it whole, outward appearance is only a part.
As we all know our vision of a person can be altered sharply and quickly by who they are. A rude, cruel, negative and hurtful person can shrink in beauty quickly while someone not considered pretty can have immense beauty in an instant with their love and grace for others.
It is like given a small glimpse of what God must see in us. The vision we have that alters as we get to know a person is the vision and perspective that God has all the time. Instead of looking out to in, He looks in to out. He sees our hearts and that is the person we are. We can be pretty ugly or pretty marvelous.
That is truly how people should be looked at, not on proper placement of facial features but the proper place of a persons heart.
But moving on... as we as women find ourselves comparing ourselves to our thinner friends, or sizing up to a larger friend. We do the same as mothers.
But instead of measuring our bodies we measure our children against others.
We can become consumed with the thought that if a child is better behaved that their mother must have it right. Or that they are just 'Lucky' to have gotten a well behaved child.
OR we puff up thinking we are the better mom and there must be a problem with another persons child.
This mind set is wrong.
W
R
O
N
G
I may have not studied the bible forward, back and upside down but I do know God never intended for us to be comparing ourselves against another, let alone measure ourselves with our children.
There is a lot of talk about judging and that is not our place.
Matt 7:1-6
Luke 6:37
James 4 God alone, who gave the law, is the Judge.
Comparing ourselves as mothers is passing judgment either on ourselves or on someone else. How do we know what a perfect mother is? Or children?
Even Eve the very first mother didn't have perfect children- one killed the other.
And God our prefect father had and still has children that are very imperfect.
To think someone is better as a mother by the standards of our children isn't what God intended. As well as thinking we are better as mothers.
What is bar we are reaching for then?
I would have to say God's bar- not for everyone ' bar' but the individually and uniquely made bar that God has for you & for me. He intends for us all to reach the same mighty goal but none the same path. As we seek and ask for wisdom and pray for our children He will certainly give us what we need to be the best mother for our individual and unique children.
It would be nice to live in a world where people were not sizing up to one another and instead striving to live a life worthy of His grace and love that He has shown us. Measuring ourselves to His standards.
We are far from perfect, but not so far to what perfect could be in our lives if we seek God.
I am very proud of my children and I love them more than anything- but they are my own children and I am their mother. I will not compare myself to other mothers, but I will compare myself to the mother God intends me to be. I will seek advice from Him and other mothers I respect and see a presence of God's handy work- we are all in this together, struggling or not.
We should be supporters to other mothers and seekers of God's wisdom in our lives.
& it shouldn't stop there, it should exceed in all aspects of our lives as women to support one another in their individual and unique growth.
I want my girls to see me as a woman who looks up instead of around. So they too someday can pursue their own path in life the right way instead of looking at everyone else's path.
Still I don't feel like I am.
I did have one occasion when Daniel and I went out of town to celebrate our anniversary, I stood up and cheerios fell out my shirt. That was a moment that I felt like a mother.
Truly the first few weeks of my girls lives were the hardest I had ever endured.
Being a mother is giving up basic life.
Slowly though things fall into place and a rhythm is established and there is a sense of normal again. I can shower, clean, eat as well as other several things I didn't have time for when they first came.
I feel like a proud hen puffed up in triumph when I am out and about with my girls. They truly are my pride and joy.
My love for them grows daily even when it seems impossible. But that's what love is I suppose. A growing flourishing life in itself. It constantly is in growth.
Being a mother has placed me in what I thought was a special league and though it certainly is a special league of amazing women I also see it's a place of uncertainty.
A place of comparisons. Which I guess is just a woman thing anyway- a girl thing.
Why do women do this to themselves? I'm sure a lot of it is just the society we live in, everywhere we go, every magazine we read and every television show has a picture of what is considered beautiful even tho all and I do mean ALL these women are altered in someway, either through botox, surgery, makeup, editing and alterations through photoshop. The picture we are given is false yet it's the standard. & men see this too and are constantly thinking that is the norm for beauty.
There are very beautiful natural women out there.
But beauty has pieces that make it whole, outward appearance is only a part.
As we all know our vision of a person can be altered sharply and quickly by who they are. A rude, cruel, negative and hurtful person can shrink in beauty quickly while someone not considered pretty can have immense beauty in an instant with their love and grace for others.
It is like given a small glimpse of what God must see in us. The vision we have that alters as we get to know a person is the vision and perspective that God has all the time. Instead of looking out to in, He looks in to out. He sees our hearts and that is the person we are. We can be pretty ugly or pretty marvelous.
That is truly how people should be looked at, not on proper placement of facial features but the proper place of a persons heart.
But moving on... as we as women find ourselves comparing ourselves to our thinner friends, or sizing up to a larger friend. We do the same as mothers.
But instead of measuring our bodies we measure our children against others.
We can become consumed with the thought that if a child is better behaved that their mother must have it right. Or that they are just 'Lucky' to have gotten a well behaved child.
OR we puff up thinking we are the better mom and there must be a problem with another persons child.
This mind set is wrong.
W
R
O
N
G
I may have not studied the bible forward, back and upside down but I do know God never intended for us to be comparing ourselves against another, let alone measure ourselves with our children.
There is a lot of talk about judging and that is not our place.
Matt 7:1-6
Luke 6:37
James 4 God alone, who gave the law, is the Judge.
Comparing ourselves as mothers is passing judgment either on ourselves or on someone else. How do we know what a perfect mother is? Or children?
Even Eve the very first mother didn't have perfect children- one killed the other.
And God our prefect father had and still has children that are very imperfect.
To think someone is better as a mother by the standards of our children isn't what God intended. As well as thinking we are better as mothers.
What is bar we are reaching for then?
I would have to say God's bar- not for everyone ' bar' but the individually and uniquely made bar that God has for you & for me. He intends for us all to reach the same mighty goal but none the same path. As we seek and ask for wisdom and pray for our children He will certainly give us what we need to be the best mother for our individual and unique children.
It would be nice to live in a world where people were not sizing up to one another and instead striving to live a life worthy of His grace and love that He has shown us. Measuring ourselves to His standards.
We are far from perfect, but not so far to what perfect could be in our lives if we seek God.
I am very proud of my children and I love them more than anything- but they are my own children and I am their mother. I will not compare myself to other mothers, but I will compare myself to the mother God intends me to be. I will seek advice from Him and other mothers I respect and see a presence of God's handy work- we are all in this together, struggling or not.
We should be supporters to other mothers and seekers of God's wisdom in our lives.
& it shouldn't stop there, it should exceed in all aspects of our lives as women to support one another in their individual and unique growth.
I want my girls to see me as a woman who looks up instead of around. So they too someday can pursue their own path in life the right way instead of looking at everyone else's path.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
One year is almost down and I have a lifetime to go.
This has been the most life changing year of my life.
Having a child calls for so much, saying I was ready was saying I was ready for the idea of a child. I had no idea how hard pregnancy would be let alone know that trying so hard to have one baby would lead us to two at the same time.
The toll it takes on ones body, emotions and social life is ridiculous.
I use to think I had pretty good patience. Children have taught me that this is not always true.
I have cleaned so many diapers... maybe about 6-8 per child a day for the first 6 months = 2,688 diapers... then about 4-5 after 6 months = 1,680 so a nice total of 4,368. Granted Daniel has been fair in changing them when he is home and mom helping me out.
We spent about $1,000 dollars on diapers this year.
In the first 6 months the girls have had about 6-8 bottles a day. That's 2,688 bottles we made for the first 6 months. Now they take 4 a day so that 1,344 a total of 4,032 bottles plus some I'm sure.
We've given probably around 240 baths.
Gone through several socks, shirts, pants, pj's, dresses.
My computer shows that I have taken an estimated 4,451 pictures since the girls were born which I promise 99% are of the girls. That's about 12 pictures a day for the last 350 days. Kinda doesn't seem like a lot now.
Changed several sheets and have done countless loads of laundry.
I have spent every night (-2 for our anniversary) rocking a child in my arms for bed.
I have never slept so little and worked so hard in one year.
It's life altering. It changes a person...
Motives change, angles and perspective are altered.
I have never been so emotional and run down yet so joyful and in awe of the magic that happens from birth, to roll, to crawl, to steps, to learning their names and watching them grow to love us and each other as much as we love them.
I have different fears. I question myself in new ways. I pray different.
All I can do is pray that God teaches me to be a better parent that I was yesterday. That He give me better patience and understanding. Wisdom in my choices and how I parent. All I can do to be a good parent, is to trust in God and let Him teach me.
I have so many wonderful mothers I know who give me amazing wisdom and reassurance in what I do. I have encouraging sisters that share their expertise with me. My amazing mother who I try to follow her footsteps (as she is the best mother ever)
& of course my husband Daniel, who has been through every melt down, every tear, all the questioning I would have, and been through all the joys and awes.
& though I am blessed for all of these people, I can't help but think of God. Who knows me best, knows the thoughts of my mind, the dreams I have dreamt & the desires of my heart.
Even in the darkest of places in my life I found God not far but instead beside me. Always waiting. Always ready to lead me back to where I needed to be no matter how many times I strayed. He has been patient with me. He has always listened to me. He has always loved me and encouraged me. He has always been willing to take me back no matter how shattered or soiled my life -I was in perfect condition to accept back into His arms.
I have heard His voice and I have felt the warmth of His embrace.
He has taught me all I know, to be wise, to love, to have mercy and compassion.
These are the endless qualities I want as a mother. I want to be all these things to Lillianna and Rosalee. To always be accepting, to have great patience and ready to listen and understand.
Yet somehow to get the God fear instilled in them. Respect for me as I respect them.
There are endless qualities that God has as a Father that I want as a mother. And I want all His qualities.
Praying isn't always easy.
Though it is the easiest thing one can do.
God is only a thought, a breath away or kneel away.
I need to pray more and more. To be taught His ways.
The perspective I now have is this:
I am not a good mother, but God has chosen me to be the mother of these two girls. So I am a potential good mother. How I allow God to use me and teach me to be a mother will determine how good of a mother I can potentially become.
Perhaps amazing, perhaps radical, perhaps inspiring, perhaps... everything these children need.
I have a faith that I can be that. Because God had faith in me when He decided I was the best woman to be these girls mother.
One year is almost down and I have a lifetime to go.
Having a child calls for so much, saying I was ready was saying I was ready for the idea of a child. I had no idea how hard pregnancy would be let alone know that trying so hard to have one baby would lead us to two at the same time.
The toll it takes on ones body, emotions and social life is ridiculous.
I use to think I had pretty good patience. Children have taught me that this is not always true.
I have cleaned so many diapers... maybe about 6-8 per child a day for the first 6 months = 2,688 diapers... then about 4-5 after 6 months = 1,680 so a nice total of 4,368. Granted Daniel has been fair in changing them when he is home and mom helping me out.
We spent about $1,000 dollars on diapers this year.
In the first 6 months the girls have had about 6-8 bottles a day. That's 2,688 bottles we made for the first 6 months. Now they take 4 a day so that 1,344 a total of 4,032 bottles plus some I'm sure.
We've given probably around 240 baths.
Gone through several socks, shirts, pants, pj's, dresses.
My computer shows that I have taken an estimated 4,451 pictures since the girls were born which I promise 99% are of the girls. That's about 12 pictures a day for the last 350 days. Kinda doesn't seem like a lot now.
Changed several sheets and have done countless loads of laundry.
I have spent every night (-2 for our anniversary) rocking a child in my arms for bed.
I have never slept so little and worked so hard in one year.
It's life altering. It changes a person...
Motives change, angles and perspective are altered.
I have never been so emotional and run down yet so joyful and in awe of the magic that happens from birth, to roll, to crawl, to steps, to learning their names and watching them grow to love us and each other as much as we love them.
I have different fears. I question myself in new ways. I pray different.
All I can do is pray that God teaches me to be a better parent that I was yesterday. That He give me better patience and understanding. Wisdom in my choices and how I parent. All I can do to be a good parent, is to trust in God and let Him teach me.
I have so many wonderful mothers I know who give me amazing wisdom and reassurance in what I do. I have encouraging sisters that share their expertise with me. My amazing mother who I try to follow her footsteps (as she is the best mother ever)
& of course my husband Daniel, who has been through every melt down, every tear, all the questioning I would have, and been through all the joys and awes.
& though I am blessed for all of these people, I can't help but think of God. Who knows me best, knows the thoughts of my mind, the dreams I have dreamt & the desires of my heart.
Even in the darkest of places in my life I found God not far but instead beside me. Always waiting. Always ready to lead me back to where I needed to be no matter how many times I strayed. He has been patient with me. He has always listened to me. He has always loved me and encouraged me. He has always been willing to take me back no matter how shattered or soiled my life -I was in perfect condition to accept back into His arms.
I have heard His voice and I have felt the warmth of His embrace.
He has taught me all I know, to be wise, to love, to have mercy and compassion.
These are the endless qualities I want as a mother. I want to be all these things to Lillianna and Rosalee. To always be accepting, to have great patience and ready to listen and understand.
Yet somehow to get the God fear instilled in them. Respect for me as I respect them.
There are endless qualities that God has as a Father that I want as a mother. And I want all His qualities.
Praying isn't always easy.
Though it is the easiest thing one can do.
God is only a thought, a breath away or kneel away.
I need to pray more and more. To be taught His ways.
The perspective I now have is this:
I am not a good mother, but God has chosen me to be the mother of these two girls. So I am a potential good mother. How I allow God to use me and teach me to be a mother will determine how good of a mother I can potentially become.
Perhaps amazing, perhaps radical, perhaps inspiring, perhaps... everything these children need.
I have a faith that I can be that. Because God had faith in me when He decided I was the best woman to be these girls mother.
One year is almost down and I have a lifetime to go.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Snuggles and Twins
The girls are 9 months old and just keep growing.
It's incredible how not that long ago they were stationary and I had to work so hard to keep them content in their stationary ways. But now they are crawling and climbing and finding their own things to entertain themselves.
I really miss when the girls were first born they were so cuddly. All they wanted was to snuggle into my neck.
I took that time for granted.
It was hard being sleep deprived and starving trying to care for two tiny babies at the same time. I was exhausted and Daniel and I discussed before the girls were born to not sleep while they slept on us. We were just nervous new parents afraid that they might get hurt cause we were out cold. So in order for them to sleep they needed to sleep on us and we couldn't sleep while they were on us we had to wait till they were not on us which meant we never got sleep. We sacrificed our sleep for theirs and the only time I ate was in the evening when people from church brought us food.
So when the girls nuzzled into our chests it was hard to sometimes admire and appreciate their sweetness. It was such a rough first 2 months. And I wish I could go back in time and just cuddle them again and really take in their innocent sleeping faces.
Now here they are at 9 months and these girls hardly ever sleep on us. They might on Daniel. I tell him he must be much more comfortable than me as they fall asleep on him more often that me.
They have begun though to crawl to me, climb me and then rub their faces into my chest and lay there for a moment. It's the new way they show they are tired.
They always do it at the same time though.
So Rosalee may start her way towards me, Lillianna notices and begins her way to me too, then it turns into a race... both babies crawl with dust in their trails and both try to climb me at the same time and both try to snuggle into my chest. It's hard not to laugh. It's super cute and it's like a little competition to get to me first.
I was reading their milestones I get sent in my inbox from baby center. It explained that at this age children may notice other children but wont actually interact with them and will not interact with other children till about 2 yrs old. Basically they will sit and play but not actually care for or play with the other.
I understand that the girls don't and probably wont for a while yet understand the concept of playing and sharing a toy and expressing imaginative stories.
But the whole not interacting thing is just not my girls.
They follow each other everywhere, whatever one climbs the other climbs, if one plays in their pool of balls the other dives in, if one sees the other doing something interesting they are usually there with them in seconds, they get frustrated when one or the other takes what their playing with away and sometimes they express frustration before their sister gets to them knowing they're coming for their toy lol
They crawl up to each other and call out, like for instance today Lilly was laying on her favorite pillow (it's Rose's favorite too) and Rose crawled up to her and sat down in front of her smiled and cooed to her. Lilly poked her head up and cooed back, they smiled and cooed back and forth with secretive baby mumblings and Rose began to crawl away and Lilly began to follow.
We just watched in joy as they discussed what seemed to be a plan of action. They always want to be near each other, they always talk and giggle in their cribs together. Already I see a bond forming that is truly special and unique.
I of course went to check online about mom's experiences with twins and how they interact with one another as compared to other children. Every mother expressed the same thing, beginning at 4 months many twins started to interact with each other in big ways. One mom explained that her two girls were 2 yrs old now and hold hands all the time. My heart melted with the thought of our girls walking hand in hand - oh so cute!
I truly feel blessed having twins. It was SO hard in the beginning and kind of a weird dream to think back to now. It was rough and the hardest thing I had ever done, emotionally, physically, mentally... it was ridiculous. I had no clue what I was getting myself into. But you sow what you reap, I sowed lots of brutal and difficult hours and have reaped plentifully.
I couldn't imagine having just one. I know nothing different. I am so in love and amazed watching these children flourish. I admire their relationship and it's special qualities. I am sooooo happy to have both girls in my life. Twins are a beautiful thing.
I love being their mother and watching them blossom. My sweet beauties.
God truly knew what He was doing to have us wait (impatiently) to have children- I am so glad and happy with His plan.
All I can do now is pray I be the best mama I can be to my baby girls.
It's incredible how not that long ago they were stationary and I had to work so hard to keep them content in their stationary ways. But now they are crawling and climbing and finding their own things to entertain themselves.
I really miss when the girls were first born they were so cuddly. All they wanted was to snuggle into my neck.
I took that time for granted.
It was hard being sleep deprived and starving trying to care for two tiny babies at the same time. I was exhausted and Daniel and I discussed before the girls were born to not sleep while they slept on us. We were just nervous new parents afraid that they might get hurt cause we were out cold. So in order for them to sleep they needed to sleep on us and we couldn't sleep while they were on us we had to wait till they were not on us which meant we never got sleep. We sacrificed our sleep for theirs and the only time I ate was in the evening when people from church brought us food.
So when the girls nuzzled into our chests it was hard to sometimes admire and appreciate their sweetness. It was such a rough first 2 months. And I wish I could go back in time and just cuddle them again and really take in their innocent sleeping faces.
Now here they are at 9 months and these girls hardly ever sleep on us. They might on Daniel. I tell him he must be much more comfortable than me as they fall asleep on him more often that me.
They have begun though to crawl to me, climb me and then rub their faces into my chest and lay there for a moment. It's the new way they show they are tired.
They always do it at the same time though.
So Rosalee may start her way towards me, Lillianna notices and begins her way to me too, then it turns into a race... both babies crawl with dust in their trails and both try to climb me at the same time and both try to snuggle into my chest. It's hard not to laugh. It's super cute and it's like a little competition to get to me first.
I was reading their milestones I get sent in my inbox from baby center. It explained that at this age children may notice other children but wont actually interact with them and will not interact with other children till about 2 yrs old. Basically they will sit and play but not actually care for or play with the other.
I understand that the girls don't and probably wont for a while yet understand the concept of playing and sharing a toy and expressing imaginative stories.
But the whole not interacting thing is just not my girls.
They follow each other everywhere, whatever one climbs the other climbs, if one plays in their pool of balls the other dives in, if one sees the other doing something interesting they are usually there with them in seconds, they get frustrated when one or the other takes what their playing with away and sometimes they express frustration before their sister gets to them knowing they're coming for their toy lol
They crawl up to each other and call out, like for instance today Lilly was laying on her favorite pillow (it's Rose's favorite too) and Rose crawled up to her and sat down in front of her smiled and cooed to her. Lilly poked her head up and cooed back, they smiled and cooed back and forth with secretive baby mumblings and Rose began to crawl away and Lilly began to follow.
We just watched in joy as they discussed what seemed to be a plan of action. They always want to be near each other, they always talk and giggle in their cribs together. Already I see a bond forming that is truly special and unique.
I of course went to check online about mom's experiences with twins and how they interact with one another as compared to other children. Every mother expressed the same thing, beginning at 4 months many twins started to interact with each other in big ways. One mom explained that her two girls were 2 yrs old now and hold hands all the time. My heart melted with the thought of our girls walking hand in hand - oh so cute!
I truly feel blessed having twins. It was SO hard in the beginning and kind of a weird dream to think back to now. It was rough and the hardest thing I had ever done, emotionally, physically, mentally... it was ridiculous. I had no clue what I was getting myself into. But you sow what you reap, I sowed lots of brutal and difficult hours and have reaped plentifully.
I couldn't imagine having just one. I know nothing different. I am so in love and amazed watching these children flourish. I admire their relationship and it's special qualities. I am sooooo happy to have both girls in my life. Twins are a beautiful thing.
I love being their mother and watching them blossom. My sweet beauties.
God truly knew what He was doing to have us wait (impatiently) to have children- I am so glad and happy with His plan.
All I can do now is pray I be the best mama I can be to my baby girls.
Friday, August 26, 2011
8 months, a bite of sweet (& sometimes sour) life.
In Awe::
Twins are so amazing.
They have someone every step of the way in their life. They have a partner in crime, someone to always hug, an ear for their deepest secrets.
They have a best friend created right beside them.
It feels very magical.
& I get to be their mom.
Recap::
Today my sweet daughters are 8 months old.
So many things have seem to happen already. From helplessness to dependence.
Lilly wants to do it all herself, climb everything, crawl everywhere. Attempt to stand on her own, she seems to think she is unstoppable. Though she has a big personality and is sometimes a handful she loves her mama and daddy.
If she falls she wants a cuddle or a hug. She wants to be where ever we are still and looks for us constantly.
She is in LOVE with her daddy. He stepped out of the room for about a minute and when he walked back in Lilly had a fit to be held by him. As if that 1 minute was 1 year.
I love seeing her love on her papa. She sweetly drifted in to sleep last night in his arms (hasn't slept on us in months!)
She adores him. & daddy adores her.
She unfortunately decided that since she can self feed finger foods to herself that she doesn't want to be fed baby food anymore. I am working on making my own much healthier baby finger foods to attempt to get her nutrition and full.
Her third tooth is now showing a little whens she smiles
Rose is trying her hardest to start crawling and watching Lilly closely. It's amazing that as soon as they start crawling, they learn to sit up from a laying position or any position I guess on their own & they automatically want to climb everything. It's a bundle of new things learned.
Rose is moving across the floor and both girls love to smile and squeal at each other.
She has become VERY fond of baby food and downs it. She questions finger food and other things by poking it. She pokes everything.
I think she is more of a mama's girl. She doesn't need me to hold her but wants me near. Occasionally she wants to just sit in my lap for a little bit then off to play with toys. Daddy is her playmate and so is Gracie. Daniel gets her laughing & gracie only has to walk by her to get Rose to just hoot in laughter.
She has two little teeth with a small gap in between.
Recent::
My family came into town over the last couple weeks. My two sisters, a husband and a total of 5 children under the age of 5.
It was what I guess the best way to describe it 'a zoo'
I enjoyed our loud crazy moments with all the kids and enjoyed our solitude moments of the just the sisters or cousins & sisters, or I guess just everyone over the age of 13.
It was very different for my girls to be whisked away daily to stay the day at my mom & dad's house to squeeze as much time as i could with my family. I appreciate my daughters allowing me to do this.
Lillianna didn't seem to mind much as long as I was near by and she can climb things. Rosalee on the other hand wasn't to keen with being constantly surrounded.
It's as if for the two weeks they were somewhat separated, or distracted maybe. they acted like it when we were home alone for the day on Monday. They cooed and squealed at each other and seemed to want to be close. Rose watched Lilly with excitement as she crawled like she hadn't notice this ability before then. Rose's determination to crawl seemed to have just appear over night.
I believe she is getting there, and soon I will have two crawling babies roaming the floors and climbing the walls.
Vent::
I feel like I have learned so much and in less than a year. My girls are teaching me, I am teaching them and we are growing together.
I don't care for people telling me how I should do this or that with them (unless I ask for advice) perhaps its just the way it's given sometimes. Random take it or leave it advice- that's okay, the point of a finger and direct lecturing to- grrrr! Or explaining to me who they are or their actions- as if I didn't know my own children.
& I hate when I am out and about with them and people proclaim it's 'double trouble' or 'double the work'
it's double the investment and double the pay back in smiles.
Peoples just seem to be on one side or the other, either they THING they know it all and proclaim with their bloated head or on the other side they are still learning or know better and share their humble knowledge.
Thanks humbled knowledgeable people!
I am thankful for the fact I have more of the latter people and mostly strangers with bloated heads.
Regardless, I can complain all I want, these people aren't going anywhere. All I know is, I am their mother, God chose me to be their mother so guess what? I am God's top pick for these kids so anything you have to say against what I do as a mother, your saying it against God. There is no better mama than me for these gems.
Back to my girls::
Lilly has gone on strike. No baby food. She occasionally takes yogurt but besides that she wants only mum-mums, cheerios and puffs. Only things she can do herself. Little miss independent.
SOOOO I am on a mission, to make and bake as much as I can healthy finger foods that she will like. Then she can feed herself all day long. I tried these banana applesauce muffins. She likes to mush it up in her hands, take a few bites but I'm hoping it grows on her. Next up is broccoli cheese nuggets. I think I might eat them myself.
Hoping she takes to it.
Rose on the other hand is opposite. Loves the baby food, is taking to it great. Does NOT like to self feed except if it's big enough- no cheerios or puffs- she pokes them all the day long. Mum-mum and crackers she can handle... sorta.
She doesn't really like touching things... it's cute and funny. But my muffins... she squeezes the mess out of them too. Tastes it here and there but the feel of it is more appealing than the taste right now I guess.
Thankful though she takes food like a champ.
Life is good. I have a fantastic husband & father to the girls and I have two amazing children.
I really feel blessed that I got two at the same time.
YES it's work & YES it's been hard here and there... but again I am getting a hefty payback. Smiles, laughs, cuddles, watching them each day grow and learn something new, seeing the world as something new and receiving love love love.
I enjoy every moment, I enjoy learning. I love being a mom and learning how to best mother these girls with their very different personalities and needs. I enjoy sharing my knowledge if asked. I am no perfect woman, wife or mother. But I do have the perfect Mentor to be these things. I pray God keeps teaching me to be everything this family needs me to be.
The End:::
Twins are so amazing.
They have someone every step of the way in their life. They have a partner in crime, someone to always hug, an ear for their deepest secrets.
They have a best friend created right beside them.
It feels very magical.
& I get to be their mom.
Recap::
Today my sweet daughters are 8 months old.
So many things have seem to happen already. From helplessness to dependence.
Lilly wants to do it all herself, climb everything, crawl everywhere. Attempt to stand on her own, she seems to think she is unstoppable. Though she has a big personality and is sometimes a handful she loves her mama and daddy.
If she falls she wants a cuddle or a hug. She wants to be where ever we are still and looks for us constantly.
She is in LOVE with her daddy. He stepped out of the room for about a minute and when he walked back in Lilly had a fit to be held by him. As if that 1 minute was 1 year.
I love seeing her love on her papa. She sweetly drifted in to sleep last night in his arms (hasn't slept on us in months!)
She adores him. & daddy adores her.
She unfortunately decided that since she can self feed finger foods to herself that she doesn't want to be fed baby food anymore. I am working on making my own much healthier baby finger foods to attempt to get her nutrition and full.
Her third tooth is now showing a little whens she smiles
Rose is trying her hardest to start crawling and watching Lilly closely. It's amazing that as soon as they start crawling, they learn to sit up from a laying position or any position I guess on their own & they automatically want to climb everything. It's a bundle of new things learned.
Rose is moving across the floor and both girls love to smile and squeal at each other.
She has become VERY fond of baby food and downs it. She questions finger food and other things by poking it. She pokes everything.
I think she is more of a mama's girl. She doesn't need me to hold her but wants me near. Occasionally she wants to just sit in my lap for a little bit then off to play with toys. Daddy is her playmate and so is Gracie. Daniel gets her laughing & gracie only has to walk by her to get Rose to just hoot in laughter.
She has two little teeth with a small gap in between.
Recent::
My family came into town over the last couple weeks. My two sisters, a husband and a total of 5 children under the age of 5.
It was what I guess the best way to describe it 'a zoo'
I enjoyed our loud crazy moments with all the kids and enjoyed our solitude moments of the just the sisters or cousins & sisters, or I guess just everyone over the age of 13.
It was very different for my girls to be whisked away daily to stay the day at my mom & dad's house to squeeze as much time as i could with my family. I appreciate my daughters allowing me to do this.
Lillianna didn't seem to mind much as long as I was near by and she can climb things. Rosalee on the other hand wasn't to keen with being constantly surrounded.
It's as if for the two weeks they were somewhat separated, or distracted maybe. they acted like it when we were home alone for the day on Monday. They cooed and squealed at each other and seemed to want to be close. Rose watched Lilly with excitement as she crawled like she hadn't notice this ability before then. Rose's determination to crawl seemed to have just appear over night.
I believe she is getting there, and soon I will have two crawling babies roaming the floors and climbing the walls.
Vent::
I feel like I have learned so much and in less than a year. My girls are teaching me, I am teaching them and we are growing together.
I don't care for people telling me how I should do this or that with them (unless I ask for advice) perhaps its just the way it's given sometimes. Random take it or leave it advice- that's okay, the point of a finger and direct lecturing to- grrrr! Or explaining to me who they are or their actions- as if I didn't know my own children.
& I hate when I am out and about with them and people proclaim it's 'double trouble' or 'double the work'
it's double the investment and double the pay back in smiles.
Peoples just seem to be on one side or the other, either they THING they know it all and proclaim with their bloated head or on the other side they are still learning or know better and share their humble knowledge.
Thanks humbled knowledgeable people!
I am thankful for the fact I have more of the latter people and mostly strangers with bloated heads.
Regardless, I can complain all I want, these people aren't going anywhere. All I know is, I am their mother, God chose me to be their mother so guess what? I am God's top pick for these kids so anything you have to say against what I do as a mother, your saying it against God. There is no better mama than me for these gems.
Back to my girls::
Lilly has gone on strike. No baby food. She occasionally takes yogurt but besides that she wants only mum-mums, cheerios and puffs. Only things she can do herself. Little miss independent.
SOOOO I am on a mission, to make and bake as much as I can healthy finger foods that she will like. Then she can feed herself all day long. I tried these banana applesauce muffins. She likes to mush it up in her hands, take a few bites but I'm hoping it grows on her. Next up is broccoli cheese nuggets. I think I might eat them myself.
Hoping she takes to it.
Rose on the other hand is opposite. Loves the baby food, is taking to it great. Does NOT like to self feed except if it's big enough- no cheerios or puffs- she pokes them all the day long. Mum-mum and crackers she can handle... sorta.
She doesn't really like touching things... it's cute and funny. But my muffins... she squeezes the mess out of them too. Tastes it here and there but the feel of it is more appealing than the taste right now I guess.
Thankful though she takes food like a champ.
Life is good. I have a fantastic husband & father to the girls and I have two amazing children.
I really feel blessed that I got two at the same time.
YES it's work & YES it's been hard here and there... but again I am getting a hefty payback. Smiles, laughs, cuddles, watching them each day grow and learn something new, seeing the world as something new and receiving love love love.
I enjoy every moment, I enjoy learning. I love being a mom and learning how to best mother these girls with their very different personalities and needs. I enjoy sharing my knowledge if asked. I am no perfect woman, wife or mother. But I do have the perfect Mentor to be these things. I pray God keeps teaching me to be everything this family needs me to be.
The End:::
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