Saturday, April 2, 2011

Your Opinion & Mine

Everyone has an opinion.

I knew this already but it kinda punches you in the face when you have a baby(ies).

Every mama believes she is right. & she is. For HER baby.

What bothers me is when a mama thinks because she raised her child her way that everyone should have their child raised to the tea like hers & is overly expressive of this.

I know, I admit I've felt like I knew better how to raise a child before I even had one (two). We're all so quick to judge that mama of a batting child screaming for a toy & sinking to the floor in the store. I always think, "That would never happen to me. My child will know better" or "If that were my kid..."
But if it was my kid, I'd be in the same situation, my child is having a possibly never before random fall out in the middle of a store & now every pair of eyes are zoomed in on me glaring with judgment as if they knew the in's & out's of me and my child. I don't have a fear of this happening anytime soon with two 3 month olds. But I do know that children are unpredictable.

Well my deal isn't really with these people yet.
It's when I go online to search a question, & I find a blog where a mom asks a similar question about her baby and as I scroll down through the replies I find almost 100% negative feedback. A mama is doing something that another mama didn't do, or she is not doing what a mama did and automatically they are wrong! Even if a mass amount of mom's are doing the same thing and a mama swims upstream they act as if some horrific crime has taken place and judgment must be passed on this terrible mother who by doctors orders is starting to give her 3 month baby some rice in her milk. (actually saw this happen to a poor mama on a blog)
Everyone threw sharp words that she was wrong. Apparently all these other mom's knew this mama's baby better than her or her doctor did.

I also found books incredibly annoying. It started when I struggled breast feeding and knew inevitably I'd end up going to formula. A few books I was reading seemed to condemned formula as I was trying to find out more information on it. They had chapters and chapters of breast feeding which was great but about a quarter of a page for formula saying breast milk is better try not to use formula THE END.
grrr... it's REALLY hard on a mom to read that when it's a painful losing battle your going through trying to breast feed. It's a very heart breaking feeling to not be able to create your child's perfect food. Or it was for me.

Then one book says swaddle your baby this way, another book says that way. Lay them half asleep into their crib, no lay them completely asleep in their crib. Let them sleep with you in your bed, NO don't do that! Don't feed them solids till 4 months, no no 6 months. You can start trying to set them a schedule now, no later, wait you didn't try sooner?

My thoughts are... everyone is right. But their right isn't always right for everyone else. So telling someone they are wrong- isn't right.

I really like getting advice though when I need it. I know a few AMAZING mom's like my mom of course. My two sisters and my friends from small group. I feel lucky & blessed for these women, because...
1. They are fantastic mothers
2. They don't push their idea's of what they did for their babies on me
3. They support me in my decisions
4. They love me and my family

My advice for a mama or soon to be mama, surround yourself with these type of women. That will support you and encourage you, give you advice when needed, not push ideas & ultimately love you and your baby.
Understand that deep down when a person gives you random unwanted/unasked opinions, deep down they mean the best even if it doesn't sound the best for you and your baby. (I am still trying to learn this)

& people be sensitive to a new mama or any mama about giving your opinion. Raising a child you adore and love with all your heart is still a very hard thing. Every baby is SO different as I can plainly see with my twins so it takes time to learn what is best, a mama doesn't want to feel put down when they are trying their best. And are doing their best.

The best thing a person can do for a mama is encourage her.