Set Your Anchor- Part Two

I started yesterday writing out what Daniel and I feel helps make our marriage tick and keep ticking. You can find 1-7 here which was Daniel's list, and I elaborated on. 8-16 is my addition to 'The List'

8. Pray for your spouse, pray with them, and pray for yourself as a spouse
9. Say you're sorry
10. Forgive
11. Look nice
12. Date
13. Anniversary trips
14. Don't let anyone in the bubble of you and your spouse
15. Time/Share
16. Be financially wise

 8. Pray for your spouse. You won't believe what that does for you and them. You are lifting them up to God and you are pouring your heart out for them. When I bring Daniel to God in prayer I am showing him ultimate love and because of that, my love for him literally grows and strengthens for him. Pray for their heart, their mind, their spiritual walk, pray for what is troubling them, pray for peace, pray for wisdom, patience- it's endless. Lift your spouse up to God and God will honor it.
Philippians 4:6 "Don't worry about anything. Instead, tell God about everything. Ask & pray. Give thanks to Him."
Pray with them- this intimate time solidifies the base on which our marriage stands. We show our vulnerability as we share our needs and lift them up and we see theirs. We make an invitation for God to enter into our presence and bless our relationship. It brings glory to God, and God will honor it.
Matthew 18:20 "Where two or three people meet together in my name, I am there with them." 
Pray for yourself. I ask that God helps me be a good wife, for guidance, patience, compassion, for love and to help me be someone who lifts my husband up. When we ask God to help US be the good spouse we become more aware of hearts and minds so we can slowly but surely move towards the goal of being a good spouse. And guess what.... God will honor it.

9. Say you're sorry.
This is so huge. Matthew 3:2 "Repent ye; for the kingdom of heaven is at hand." Repent you! For your marriage is at hand! A world of difference can be made when we say we are sorry. It turns the whole fight upside down. If I am in the wrong I am very quick to say I am sorry- usually- I try. If I am not in the wrong- sometimes I just apologize anyway! Maybe about my actions towards being upset or whatever the situation was- it brings peace to us automatically. Sometimes I want Daniel to say he's sorry and he isn't planning it- but if I apologize he will apologize back. Bring peace, suck it up and say you're sorry.

10. Forgive 
Luke 17:4 "Suppose he sins against you seven times in one day. And suppose he comes back to you each time and says, 'I'm sorry.' FORGIVE HIM."
Oooooooh how the bible is just filled with repentance and forgiveness and telling us to forgive. It is incredibly hard at times to let go- especially if it's a constant thing you find yourself forgiving. But such a wonderful verse Jesus gives us when he gives a limit to how many times we should forgive- He say's there is no limit. He didn't give us one, and oooooh how many times we have done a constant thing to Him we need forgiveness for. The hard part of forgiving is the emotional letting it go and NOT bringing it back up- into your mind or out in the open as a means to hurt your spouse. Thank God that He doesn't do that to us. So we must try our best to do the same.

11. Look Nice
When we were dating I can't count how many times I brushed my teeth in a day, checked my hair and spent hours styling it nice. Picking out an outfit, doing my makeup just right. Then we got married. And I couldn't keep myself looking constantly at my best and began to not care as much. I still care! I do. But some days not so much. But I try to make myself still look good for Daniel. I want him to know I still care about what he thinks of me and myself. I'm telling him he is still worth it. And keeping an attraction to each other is a big deal!

12. Date
Daniel and I did a lot of things together as far as going out when we got married. It was easy to still do. We gave each other time and went out and made an occasion of it. It was special.
When we had kids that's when dating got hard. It had to become intentional. Pick a day and time out so we can get a sitter. It's even more special. We are so busy with kids and we seem to revolve around them. It's important to step away from feeling revolved and revolve around just us again. It strengthens our relationship, it gives us personal time, it gives us intimacy that we just don't get whenever we want anymore. Taking time away out of each of our busy days tells the other that they are still very valuable to us and still desired.

13. Anniversary Trips
I told Daniel when we were engaged that I wanted us to do something every EVERY anniversary, to get out of town and celebrate. It is one of the biggest things for us that strengthens our relationship. Our time away from our home, our distractions, our children, our pups and just being completely focused on each other and ONLY each other... it's like a honeymoon every year. It is like a refreshing and a renewing over us and we feel like newlyweds! Take time out, and not just date time but a weekend trip, or a week trip and enjoy each other all over again like you did when you first met.
Also we make small guidelines- very limited electronics... like the only reason we keep our phones on is in case my mom needs to contact us about our girls. It's just to guarantee our time is utilized at it's best.

14. Don't let anyone is your bubble- Daniel and I have a bubble and you are not allowed in. Just like we aren't allowed in yours. It's a two person bubble. No one else should be in it besides God who is the bubble maker. Is this making sense? haha. I'm basically saying, anyone who talks negatively about my husband, who tries to bring me down about our marriage, anything that would make me feel anything less of my husband or marriage has entered our bubble and is squeezing  their way in between us, even if that's not their real intent- it is what it is. And so that thing or person needs to be removed immediately. Either by setting them in their place or removing them permanently. If you aren't lifting our marriage up then I'm afraid you don't belong and that's how you ought to be too.

15. Time/Sharing-
Honestly this falls into communication. I like to share my walk spiritually, or share my thoughts randomly- usually right when we get into bed which is bad timing cause that's when Daniel can't keep his eyes or ears open to listen to me. Nevertheless. I share my time and things that happen in my day etc. and so will Daniel. It just another block that helps build and keep our building of a relationship secure.

16. Be Financially Wise.
1 Timothy 6:10 "Love for money causes all kinds of evil. Some people want to get rich. They have wandered away from the faith. They have wounded themselves with many sorrows."
Thank goodness Daniel is in charge of our finances cause if I find a penny I WILL find a way to spend it! We discuss our finances together- where are money is going, where it's being saved, we save up for events, we stay out of debt as much as possible with credit cards and pay them off as soon as possible if we use them. When we are smart with our money then we aren't stressing about it and if we aren't stressing then it's not stressing on our marriage- it's not a source of frustration, anger or fear.


I'm adding one more... Talk about the future. It brings hope, it gives us expectations of good things to come. We share our hopes and wants for the future and we plan our hopes and dreams with each other. It will bring light to what may sometimes seem like a black tunnel. Hope.

There is SO much that can help make a marriage tick. These are just some of the major things that help us. I hope it helps you or someone you may know.
Daniel and I have what I would call 'Invisible Rules' it's not something we ever sat down and did major discussion on or wrote in stone. But it's rules we follow in our marriage.
We respect each other
We are kind to each other
We don't swear or use any profanity
We find ways to help each other
We are courteous
We try to have fun and laugh often
We take turns with not so fun things we have to do
We believe in the coventant of marriage and that it should not be broken
We have promised to do counseling before we ever let our marriage walk on the edge of falling apart

I sometimes wonder if it would help couples who are struggling to maybe make a 'Visual Rules' list to help get through tough times and rules to keep their relationship going. If you need to, sit down and write out the rules, maybe not bring up something that will obviously start a fight. Or if one of you want to talk the rule is the other one should be ready to sit and listen so there is no running from a needed conversation. Don't place blame rule. Whatever may help keep a fragile relationship bandaged and from knocking over and breaking.

Again, marriage is beautiful partnership, it's a blessing and brings an enahancement to ones life. It brings out the best and wost in us. It refines us. Marriage is unity- it's a perfect promise that is forever. It's a house with many parts that keeps it together, secure and from falling apart.

I don't claim to have the perfect marriage- we don't always communicate the best, I'm not the best listener, we don't always pray. But we're trying, everyday we keep going and pushing to keep our boat going.

And again it IS possible to make through any trial and any storm, you just need the right boat..
You have to have the right boat- God.
The right sail, your persistence.
The right rudder, your tongue.
And right navigation- His Word.

And the anchor is your heart- it's your beloveds and it should not be moved.

16 months to eternity

Yesterday we went to Marbles Museum for the second time and got a membership. That place is wonderful and the girls are so happy. I love that it wears the girls out so that when we get home they nap great but it also wears us out and I think I napped the whole time they did.

While at Marbles I took a photo of the girls sitting in a little red car.
I see two 16 month old girls playing in a make believe car, but I also see two 16 year old's preparing for a trip to the mall.
I know time flies and it drives me nuts when people constantly remind me "Enjoy it while it lasts." or "Don't blink."
I know I know, and it is- I don't like to be reminded as I remind myself often enough.

My sweet babies are so big and when I hold them I recall how they once were 15 pounds lighter and curled into perfect balls upon my chest. I know I can't hold them like I do now forever, and there will come a day that I will see them drive off together....
But they will be together.

The way they play with each other, follow each other, chase, laugh at each other, copy and shadow. I feel this guarantee of a unique relationship that will go beyond toddlers, tween, and 16.
I feel this reassurance that when they hit the road of life and I'm not right behind to watch their every move that they have each other and they have each others backs.
I feel comfort.



I have been asked to help do the 'Parent Talk' during FUSION a few times.
Fusion is a time where all the kids from all three hours of church come together on a weeknight with their parents and celebrate together in worship, dancing, skits, games, teaching and family time.
It's a wonderful thing just to be apart of it. But to be asked to help do a part where I speak to the parents about parenting.... that's humbling.
These parents have kids from the ages of 4 to 11 yrs and probably have older children and more children than me. They have much more experience than I do. I am trying to influence parents to participate in their children's spiritual growth for an age group I do not have myself.

It has taught me a lot. It makes me ask myself questions, to look deeper and think harder.
After all if there is one thing I can teach Lilly and Rose - it's God. To show them and reveal God to them. His love His hope His spirit.

There is nothing I can keep in this world.
There is nothing that I can leave to this world that will last, that will not eventual grow old or fade away.
All I have is the legacy of God that I can leave. The only thing that will last. To my girls I want them to know the One thing that will last, the One thing they can turn to. The One thing that will never grow old or fade away.

I can look back in my life, my history and see God everywhere.
Not just a one time event. Not a one time deal.
If I can help my girls build a relationship with Jesus. Then I am leaving them in the Hands that has and still holds the weight of the world (& mine) without strain. Without fail.

Eternity doesn't seem possible but the idea that there is no eternity seems less possible.
The idea of nothing after we die, the thought that my mind, my being becomes nothing is impossible for my mind to wrap around. None existent- seems less believable than living everyday for the rest of days, even in another world like Heaven.
Eternity is real.
God is real.
I want my girls to have that, to know that. To live a life in reverence to that. 

I can talk up and down about it to them, but I honestly think it wont mean a thing if I am not living my life the same way I hope and dream they will.

I really want to reach a higher goal each day than the last of growing my relationship with God. Each day a better building I am building on the Rock.
I just keep praying I can be better, to reach farther and walk greater distances- so I can lead my girls to those distances.

I say I want these things but I know I don't show it.
I am working to fan a flame. My own to help start two new flames.

So someday when my two 16 year old girls go for a trip to the mall, I wont have just the comfort of knowing they have each others back. I know something Greater and Bigger, Lovelier, Stronger, Mightier, and Perfect has their back as well.



This life wont last. Not here anyway. It can be the scariest thought in this world, or most reassuring.